I knew right then and there we were going to be mar- ried some day of course, this was really more of a hope than a certainty—smile. Maybe she knew it, too, or at least liked what she saw because even though she disappeared the night I informed her of my plan, she showed up two nights later at another show of mine, and this time, I asked her to come backstage and talk for a while.
She agreed, and we became fast friends, and even dated for a spell. But eventually, we both went our separate ways. Still, Mar- jorie and I always remembered the friendship we had together, and we reached out to check up on each other from time to time. But, even though I knew I was in love with this woman and that she loved me, I was still con- nected to some women friends I had developed after my divorce, when I had really started dating again.
I should have known better, though. And sure enough, late that night, when I got up to go to the bathroom— it was about A. She was going to leave me—leave us.
Her response made me realize right then and there, in the middle of that hallway, in the middle of the night, that she was The One. I got these kids, I have a good life, and I want a man who will come in and complete my family. I realized right then and there, in that hallway, that I wanted no other. In other words, I became the man she needed me to be be- cause she had sense enough to have requirements—standards that she needed in her relationship in order to make the rela- tionship work for her.
She also knew this man had to be faithful, love God, and be willing to do what it took to keep this family together. These requirements are important to her because they govern how she will be treated; they are important to me, too, because they lay out a virtual map of what all I need to do to make sure she gets what she needs and wants.
And it is my sole mission in life to make sure Marjorie is happy. It really makes us quite happy when you lay out your requirements for us. We do like some kind of decorum. By the time ser vice is over, I feel so uplifted, I know the rest of my week is going to go great. Get the picture? Be sure of this: if you tell a man you like red roses at work, dinner at that special restaurant across town, and Chanel bags for your birthday, that is exactly what he will give you—nothing less, but certainly nothing more.
And you will think that because he stopped, he changed. My philosophy? For example, funny? How do you expect to be pursued? Do you want regular phone calls? Text messages? Dates at least three times a week? Do you want him to always pick up the tab? What level of commitment do you expect? Do you want an open relationship? Or to date exclusively? Should it be up for discussion? Do you want him to be rich? Do you want him to make more money than you?
Are you okay with a blue-collar worker? Do you want a man who wants kids and is family oriented? Can you help a man build his dream? Can you adapt to his plan? What do you expect of his family? Should you get along with his mother? Or if his father was never around? What should he be willing to do to woo you? Should he pursue you? Give you expensive gifts?
But this much I will tell you: this man had it all—money, fame, and a bevy of super- beauties so bad he could have easily made Hugh Hefner scratch his head and wonder how he could get in on that action. I mean this man was surrounded by gorgeous women. A lot.
Still, he was a master at keeping a stack of solid tens at all times, with commitments to none of them. And I needed to know how this was done um, not neces- sarily so that I, too, could have supermodels hanging on my every word, but because I was genuinely blown away by the phenomenon. It just is what it is. And the more I asked the same questions of guys in similar situ- ations, I heard the same answer, again and again. It happens with everyday guys—doctors and lawyers, truckers and deliv- erymen, too.
Your objective is to avoid being on the string. Just stop being afraid, already. And we men? We recognize this and play on it, big time.
My sons will do it the same way because they can and there will be women who allow it to happen. How do you do this? Start by making the man be really clear up front about what he wants out of his life and his relationship with you. Remember: No. His answer also will help you determine whether you want to be a part of that plan or not. Men love to talk about themselves. We do this because we know that in order to catch you, we have to impress you. So allow us to impress. Maybe you can even see yourself helping him study or being there for him at graduation and giving him suggestions for how to transform himself from the blue-collar worker who installs the cable to the engineer who helps build the technology for the cable company.
The same applies to the man who states his short-term goals, but clearly has no plan to implement them. Either way, you may not want to sign up for his plan.
Just stick to your own. If his long-term plan is the same as his short-term plan, get out. The man you should consider spending a little time on is the one who has a plan—a well-thought-out plan that you can see yourself in. Because please believe me when I tell you—and like I told you in an earlier chapter—a man always has a plan. And then I met Sinbad. And I knew I wanted a piece of that action. His success made me realize that there was something to this comedy thing—that I needed to set in place a long-term plan that would afford me the kind of life I could see was possible for a comedian.
I wanted to get on television to provide a life- style for my family that would make them proud. I envisioned my life this way, and then created a plan for how I was going to get it. But the point is, I had a long-term plan, with steps on how I was going to get there. Eventually, I reached those goals and then some. Now this one is a multiple-part question that sizes up how a man feels about a gamut of relationships—from how he feels about his parents and kids to his connection with God.
Do it before you kiss this man, maybe even before you agree to go on a date with him—this is a great phone conversation, for sure. What are his views on it? Does he want a family? How does he feel about children? Next, ask him about his relationship with his mother. We learn to protect her and provide for her; we learn about the basic core of love for a woman from her.
At any rate, ask questions about his relationship with his father, and his answers are bound to reveal the kind of father he just might turn out to be. After all, what moral barometer does he answer to if not to God? If you have already had a sexual encounter with the man, you can ask these questions anyway. But his answer will be critical because it will reveal to you what his plans for you are.
You have a right to know. This, you will be able to tell by his answers. Listen to his answer closely. So do the follow-ups. That was really nice. And so forth with whatever char- acteristic he attributes to you. And this is exactly where you want to be with this guy. W e men are fully aware that we have to answer these ques- tions, and any real man is going to answer them.
Maybe she might be the one to get me to the next level. I was living in Cleveland, I had a two-bedroom apart- ment, brand spanking new. And I had a job at the Ford motor plant. They had a high hourly wage there, and overtime—more money than a man of my stature could dream of making. Thing is, you had to be on the job for a while to get them. You can get your eyes checked, no problem. Your hernia could bust and we will take care of you.
Your whole family will be covered. And you know something? All of this made perfect sense to me. I was being challenged to show everybody at the plant that I was serious, and ready and able to work hard for both the salary and the right to have them pay my medical and dental expenses—and as a man, I needed and wanted to prove that I was up for the challenge and worthy of the reward.
I agreed percent with what the Ford Motor Company was saying to me, and so I signed on the dotted line. I wanted to be a part of the Ford family. Those are things that happen during the course of a budding relationship—you do special things for each other because you care. And he could walk off the job at any time. A directive like that signals to a man that you are not a plaything—someone to be used and discarded.
And you, in the meantime, win the ultimate prize of maintaining your dignity and self-esteem, and earning the respect of the man who recognized that you were worth the wait.
Most impor- tant, is this really a man with whom you can see yourself in a committed relationship? Or do you see signs that make your God-given intuition kick in? Give it at least ninety days, and you can smoke all of that out of him, so that you can be sure that this guy is the right man for you.
This is not a secret: men love and want sex, and will try within reason to get it by any means necessary. But guess what? The Power. The decision of when we get to kiss you is yours.
That decision is yours. We put our hands somewhere on your body other than your shoulder and you decide if we can keep touching that place or if we gotta let it go. Our job is to convince you to give it to us—to allow us to touch it, let us have it. But the decision on whether we actually get to have it is Y. Keep it. You only give up that power when the man has earned it, and he is going to respect it and do something with it.
Women have crumbled empires with that power. Cleopatra helped destroy Rome. You can hug, kiss, talk on the phone, go for a walk in the park, have an ice cream cone together, go out for dinner.
Your time is a form of payment. The payment is incredible. You getting dressed up? Going out with us? Exchanging explicit e-mails? But if he wants to sleep with you—make babies and have a family? So get to it. Did he offer to get up an hour earlier so he could drive you to work while your car is in the shop?
Did he offer to get up under the hood and take a look himself? Or tell you about his friend who owns a car shop and might be willing to do a favor for him—and you? Real men extend themselves to women they care about. Or your new man may give you suggestions for how to deal with the unwanted phone calls; he might tell you to block his number or put a special ring on the phone so you know who it is when the phone rings, maybe even give you a few words to say to this guy to make him stop calling.
Say you lose a loved one—someone really close to you. A man who has plans for you will immediately offer some form of comfort and help so that you can take the time to grieve. He might ask you if he can take your kids out for a couple of hours so you can have some time to yourself, or he might ask you if he can go with you to the funeral home to be with you while you see about the funeral arrangements, and so that he can ex- press his condolences to your family.
But a real man will respond with some kind of solution—he will do what he can to help you stop crying, because no man wants to see his woman crying.
Then the relationship becomes about what you want—what your needs are. Now, I realize that ninety days sounds like a lot of time and you kinda need to be real creative to keep his attention on you and your new relationship. So I came up with a list of things you can do with your man to help you—and him—stay focused on the relationship. Host a barbecue at your house and invite him to meet your friends and family; a good guy should be comfortable meeting the people you love.
Release your inner kid and spend an evening playing games at an arcade. Find a quiet place where you can watch the sunset together. Play a board game. Go for a long walk under a starlit sky. Have a movie night in which you both bring your favorite DVDs. Challenge each other to do something silly, like build a sandcastle at the beach or a game of jacks or marbles. Stop right there. This is not a good situation, ladies. Not a good situ- ation at all. In fact, the introduction is late—much too late.
Note: Telling him you have kids is not good enough. And that will only make him more apprehensive about that initial meet- ing; in his mind, you will have elevated the get-together to the level of a G8 summit, giving the introduction way more power than it needs or deserves.
So, to avoid all of this, you need to get the kids in the game early; a natural, casual introduction early in the relationship will set all of you up for a much healthier connection. Let him see you and them in your natural setting—in a mother- child capacity. And a guy wants to see that the potential mother of his children is at least decent at it, that she can be kind, compassionate, creative, and stern.
He wants to see that you can handle matters without unravel- ing—that the stress that comes with marriage and family is something you can handle with decent skill—because the one thing we men do know is that marriage and family equals stress.
Walk him into your house, introduce him to little Taylor and Brianna, and then sit back and observe; you will get the purest and truest reaction from him when you do this.
After all, you want your potential man to be able to be, well, a man around your kids—someone who can take charge when the kids act like fools and they need a man to set them straight. Kids, after all, respect authority. Sure, how your kids feel about this guy should count for something, too. First off, how would a grown man look being scared off by a child? If he runs, let him. And teenagers? The beauty of teenagers, though, is that they tend to make them- selves invisible.
As a result, your new man might actually be able to focus on your relationship without the distraction of a misbehaving kid. Women live under that fear because the men intent on playing the game tricked you into thinking this way; as long as you believe it, we get to keep the game alive until we get what we want, without any obligations. That, sweetheart, is a requirement. See what he says— what he does. Or put your son in a choke hold at the dinner table?
Be realistic: no man is going to walk in your house and abuse anyone with you sitting nearby. So a man with children from a previ- ous relationship recognizes he needs to ration out the female encounters with his kids if he wants to try to keep a modicum of peace with his ex and actually see his kids again.
He tells you he likes kids, and actually would like to have one someday. He expresses interest in meeting your children. He shows up to the house with gifts—for the kids. Of course, if he brings an Xbox for Mikey and disappears for a few hours, then that might be a problem. He lets the children see that he sincerely respects and likes and even loves their mother. He makes a kid-friendly date with you and invites your children along. He takes you and the kids to church. He has a good job and a solid work history.
His nieces and nephews spend considerable time with him. He has younger siblings he helped care for when he was younger—and they made it through, unscathed. He has a pet, and it actually gets fed and taken care of. He keeps his house clean and knows how to cook a few decent meals. He can and is willing to comfort your child when she hurts herself.
He can get down and dirty with your children— squirting them with a water hose, shooting hoops at the park, getting buried in the sand at the beach—and like it.
Our wardrobe would be pretty simple: sweats, T-shirts, and socks—maybe some sneakers if we absolutely had to go outside. This is all to say that men are very simple creatures who would be prone to doing some very simple things if not for the women in our lives. Men go out and get jobs and hustle to make money because of women. We drive fancy cars because of women.
We dress nice, put on cologne, get haircuts and try to look all shiny and new for you. We do all of this because the more our game is stepped up, the more of you we get. Whatever the case, we men are no longer connecting with that special part of you that makes you a woman—that thing that makes you so very beautiful to us, and that also happens to make us feel more like men. What in the world do you need us for if you have all of that?
You can have the Brinks alarm system, the guard dog, and the pistol, too. But if the man who is pursuing your affection is never allowed by you to exhibit his ability to provide or pro- tect, then how can he possibly see himself professing his love to a woman who has not allowed him to feel like a man? His DNA will not allow for that. What will end up happening instead? When I was a young man, I was in a relationship with a woman who I thought I loved. And adversity will come. Those wedding vows they make you say?
For better or for worse? Worse is coming. In sickness and in health? Somebody is going to get sick. For richer or for poorer? Some- body might end up broke, temporarily laid off.
Hard times will certainly come. The question is, how are you going to deal with it? This was made clear to a friend of mine one particular day when he went grocery shopping. His woman was loading up the cart with everything she needed for the house—the meats, the vegetables, the fruits, the drinks, and everything. And then they turned down the aisle with the pineapple juice.
Who else in the world would have put a bottle of pineapple juice into their cart? She glanced at it, then gave him the eye, and pushed the grocery cart on—away from the mess and him. Her actions were only going to drive him away. Not long after, he left her. And that is pretty much the reaction you can expect from men in similar situations where a woman makes more than her partner and she rubs that fact in his face.
Will he be intimidated by your money and your success? Of course. But most of us grow out of this eventu- ally, and when we do, we recognize that a real man provides for the ones he loves. Some men never come out of the ignorance and die fools—alone. We are trained to be providers for you, and you are trained to look for that in us.
So the moment that order of things is thrown off, the relationship is out of sync. And everyone involved is bound to get—and be—miserable. So how do we get through this situation?
Just be a lady. Then straight was ordered that Heorot inside 1. Whoever will do it! The genitives in this case are partitive. And the atheling of earlmen to each of the heroes. That he nowise was able to offer resistance 1. The woe-stricken woman wept on his shoulder, 2.
In measures lamented; upmounted the hero. The survivors go to Friesland, the home of Finn. Wholly unsundered; 1 of fatherland thought he. Could not bide in his bosom. Then the building was covered 2.
The two passages become thus correlatives, the second a sequel of the first. More gifts are offered Beowulf. A beaker was borne him, and bidding to quaff it. The bracteates and jewels, from the bright-shining city, 1. The 2 corpse of the king then came into charge of. The war-troops ready: well-drunken heroes, 3. To constantly keep them equipped for the battle, 4. Moreover, what has the idea of single combat to do with B.
The poet is giving an inventory of the arms and armor which they lay aside on retiring, and he closes his narration by saying that they were always prepared for battle both at home and on the march. They sank then to slumber. With sorrow one paid for. While Grendel was holding 1 the gold-bedecked palace,. Return 2 to the nobles, when the mother of Grendel. She grasped in its gore; 4 grief was renewed then.
The earl of the Ingwins; 5 asked if the night had. So 20 15 below: ravaged the desert. The sense of the translation would be the same. This emendation, as well as an emendation with? Hrothgar rejoined, helm of the Scyldings:. By cramming discovered.
Which 3 availed you in every wish that you cherished. Which forests hang over, with frost-whiting covered, 4. Beowulf makes a parting speech to Hrothgar.
The famed one to have, the heavy-sword splendid 1. He shrank not from battle seized by the shoulder 2. She gave him requital 3 early thereafter,. Ruler most righteous arrange it with justice; 4.
Beowulf grasps a giant-sword, Then he saw mid the war-gems a weapon of victory,. Then many concluded the mere-wolf had killed him. The brand early melted, burnt was the weapon: 2. The highway familiar: men very daring 3. Translate: The damaskeened sword burned up. Beowulf relates his last exploit. Beowulf spake, offspring of Ecgtheow:. Then the battle-sword burned, the brand that was lifted, 1. A wounded spirit. Nor boastfully giveth gold-plated rings, 1. Look for his vessel.
The valiant one bade then, 3. If, however, the suggestions of Grdtvg. Beowulf commanded that Hrunting be borne to the son of Ecglaf Unferth , bade him take his sword, his dear weapon; he B.
Then the band of very valiant retainers. Said the bright-armored visitors 1 vesselward traveled. Who long in the past outlooked in the distance, 3.
Thrytho nursed anger, excellent 5 folk-queen,. With eyes in the daytime; 6 but he knew that death-chains. Accepting this, we may render: He said the bright-armored warriors were going to their vessel, welcome, etc. This has some advantages over the H. This makes the passage much clearer. Then the brave one departed, his band along with him,.
Coursed through the building, carrying mead-cups: 1. To suffer the South-Danes themselves to decide on 2. Who longest liveth of the loth-going kindred, 3.
The guard of the kingdom, hath given his sanction, 4. Accepting this, translate: Who longest lives of the hated race, steeped in treachery. She the corpse had offcarried in the clutch of the foeman 2. By the life of thee the land-prince then me 3. The line would then read: Escapeth by fighting, knows the land thoroughly. And still unto thee is all my affection: 1. But thee, dear Higelac! Wise-mooded atheling, thereafter to tell thee 3. On the other hand, W. Of long-lasting treasure. Of gold that was beaten, briefly he spake then: 3.
Widely beheld him. Begged of his liegelord. Then the hoard 5 was discovered,. Was seen in that desert. Sought for the gem-cup; 7 this he soon perceived then. The translation in the text is more authentic. That is, the hoard-ward could not find any one who had disturbed his slumbers, for no warrior was there, t.
The dragon spits fire. The stranger began then to vomit forth fire,. Early forsooth, that his own native homestead, 1. The kinsmen of Grendel, of kindred detested. Hrethrel had certainly never seen a son of his ride on the gallows to feed the crows. Target and war-mail. The ward of the barrow 2. The ancient heirloom, of edges unblunted, 3. The latter gives a more rhetorical Anglo-Saxon poetical sentence. Wiglaf remains true—the ideal Teutonic liegeman. The son of Weohstan was Wiglaf entitled,.
That it stood in the head by hatred driven ;. In the first place, some eminent critics assume a gap of at least two half-verses. Wiglaf defends Beowulf.
Then I heard that at need of the king of the people. They had felled the enemy life drove out then 3. This gives Beowulf the credit of having felled the dragon; then they combine to annihilate him. I would suggest as follows: Adopt S. Gold on the sea-bottom, turn into vanity 1. The brightest of beacons; 2 the bill had erst injured. Wiglaf is sorely grieved to see his lord look so un-warlike. It had wofully chanced then the youthful retainer.
Then he charged that the battle be announced at the hedge. The messenger continues, and refers to the feuds of Swedes and Geats. The worthy one went then 1 with well-beloved comrades,. To the braves of the Swedemen, the banner 2 to Higelac. None upon mid-earth needed to twit him 3. The deed-mighty Scyldings, 4 did for the troopers.
Fifty of feet; came forth in the night-time 5. He thinks that the idea of vanished time ought to be expressed. God is the hope of men ; 2 he is the hope of heroes. The last is rejected on many grounds. Who wrongly within had the ornaments hidden 1. Favor preferred he first to get sight of.
Been gained very grimly; too grievous the fate that 5. The parenthesis would be discarded and the passage read: Now shall the fire consume, the wan-flame devour, the prince of warriors, etc. The folk of the Geatmen got him then ready. Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will be renamed. Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.
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